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Saturday, May 10, 2008 / 5:59:00 PM
.* Lesson on improve UR relationship*.
How can you improve your relationship?
*Stop the blame game!*
When things are going badly, couples tend to ask who is at fault and which of them is to blame. Neither of these questions are helpful.It's better by far for both partners to accept that they share joint responsibility for the relationship, and to agree that when they are having problems they should work at them together.
*Find time to work on your relationship*
In today’s busy, modern world, you need to find time for each other. This is not easy if you both have hectic careers, and becomes even more difficult when you have children.But if you have established a will to make things better, then you need to look at your joint schedules and find time when you can be together.If you don’t find time, improvement will be slow or non-existent.It suggests both the relationship and the work needed on it is a low priority.If you can make time to talk and to be together, you may well overcome your difficulties.
*Change the way you communicate*
Frequently, couples stop making an effort with each other. They may insult each other or take each other for granted.Suppose the door bell rings. One partner may yell at the other: ‘Get that will you?’ It doesn’t take much effort to add the word ‘please’ or to ask in a different way, such as: ‘Would you mind answering the door?’This may sound a small point, and maybe an old-fashioned one, but when couples bellow demands at each other, it sounds abrasive and disrespectful. When aggression becomes a habit, it can seriously damage the romance in a relationship.Sarcasm is unpleasant and unproductive. It invariably leads to one partner feeling ‘put down’, which isn't a good emotional state for a healthy relationship.The key thing here is that you should make sure you show each other the respect that you did when you first met.
*Make an effort for each other*
Lack of respect can also be shown in appearances. It’s very sad that couples often stop making an effort with how they look.A small thing like changing work clothes for something brighter for dinner – and the woman putting on some make-up and the man having a shave – can transform a routine evening into more of an occasion.
*Try the 10-minute rule*
Men often say: ‘She just wants to go on and on about things, and it drives me mad.’ While women say: ‘We never talk.’ Both parties cannot be right! If you and your partner are struggling to discuss the things that matter to you both, it’s a good idea to deploy the 10-minute rule.
-One partner has his or her say for 10 minutes. During this time the other partner listens and does not interrupt.
-After 10 minutes, the second partner takes the floor for 10 minutes. Men, in particular, appreciate the chance to have their say without interruption and with the guarantee that the conversation will not go on all night.
-After both of you have had your say, have a further 10 minutes between you.
-The whole discussion should be over in 30 minutes.
-If both parties agree to carry on with the conversation, that’s fine, but it should never go on for more than an hour.
If you both know that you have limited time, you will be more concise, and hopefully spare each other any histrionic behaviour.
So, simple things like talking to each other with respect, being smart and fragrant for your partner and using the 10-minute rule can give a big lift to your relationship.
*Have an evening out*
Try to have one evening out per week, just the two of you. If you have children this is more difficult to arrange, but it’s not impossible. And when you have this ‘date’, avoid talking about your offspring or work.
*Socialise as a couple*
Another good thing to do is to make sure that you get some friends round on a regular basis, even if it’s just for a takeaway or supper round the kitchen table.You’ll have a good laugh, and if these friends have known you since the beginning of your relationship, it will remind you of happier days and you’ll feel younger and more carefree.